why everyone needs a time machine.

Butter slathered on my face. Wait, let’s rewind to get you caught up on this sad- but- true life story. I know, a time machine is just a sci-fi dream to people who regret way too much, and for some time now I have took an interest in making one, but whenever I had posed the question of time travel to those I confided to I either got the person thinking far too hypothetically or a response like ” Well,  you would need some plutonium and a flux capacitor first!” I quickly gave up on my dream of being the first ever time traveling mad scientist. But I raise the question, WHY? Why must I bring this cursed topic to this abandoned blog?! Probably because I have some free time to write about a story that has only taken place within the last 30 minutes. Let us set the scene, on a dark and spoopy night, a foolish young one decided it would be most enjoyment to play a little prank on the playful dog that roamed the halls. Hidden under the sheets, I waited for the bamboozled Doberman to jump on the bed, I sprang up and startled the beast!… Which immediately resulted in her clawing in instinct , leaving behind a noticeable mark streaked across my face.  There was no peroxide water, so I had to make-do with creamy, fat filled, butter, even as I write this post I cringe and writhe as the oily yellow substance drips down my neck. I suppose there is some sorta moral to this story, don’t listen to friends, don’t get dogs, stock up on peroxide so your face doesn’t attract flies? Whichever seems the fittest to scold your children with- when they too, end up in similar situations, but the only thing I truly take away from this awfully embarrassing moment is that none of this would have happened if already used my time machine. Of course, my face was too stellar for this world.

Sincerely,

Butter face wearin’ blog abandoning  spoopy scary skelengton

Signing off,

 

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“Illuminae files” By Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff book one review

Hey introvert fam. Its me, coming at you with a book review. Today we’re doing the “Illuminae” from the Illuminae files, a sorta sci-fi book written by co-authors Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff. Now, don’t start roasting me too much, I know I’m a little late to the club, but I will not be deterred! This book is told in an interesting way. A collection of emails and interviews and even security camera footage. Its not called the illuminae files for nothing. It is about a girl named Kady and her recently dumped boyfriend, (like really recently dumped… She broke it off the day the main problem of the book occurs!) Ezra. The authors start the story by throwin’ ya face first into an interview of Kady and Ezra’s point of views of what happened the day their hometown was attacked by a major corporation called Beitech. The people who survived the attack are Currently on the run in space ships because Beitech is seriously insane. I very much enjoyed this book. It’s pretty thick, almost 600 pages! Not including bonus content. But I’m not complaining. I actually am craving more. Finished it in less than 6 days, woo raise the roof! I was walking around with this baby and some person that I barely knew said that was the biggest book he had seen anyone read the entire year and that he was proud of me. “uuuuuhhh, thanks.” Time for judgement day. My favorite character was the artificial intelligence, AIDAN. I found the way AIDAN told the story to be more attractive and poetic than the other ways the book is told. I would recommend for ages 14-30-ish because “Illuminae” isn’t really put in the adult section and Kady is a teen, for teens to find her relatable in nature. And its  sometimes vulgar curses. Remember exceptions  to this recommendation are a thing. Do not be deterred! We will rise up against book age limits once and for all! (Insert battle cry here.) I really liked this book, so I dare you to read “Illuminae” and if I have done anything right maybe tell me in the comments if you liked it!

Sincerely,

Pseudonym eman

… .. –. -. .. -. –.     — ..-. ..-.

 

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post script~ I have some a new kind of interesting subject as the next post. thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Experiences with people.

By now, you’ve most likely have read the title. It’s true. The secret is out! The cats out the bag! WOE IS ME! Yes, you now know my terrible curse! I AM A-

Introvert. What a dramatic way to start a post. Since we’re being honest here, I really wish you weren’t betting all your money on my next post being a review, although I think your safe from Jimmy, you might want to not bring any attention to yourself for today, Or that 10.00 dollars you got from Granny at your birthday is gonna find a new home in Jimmy’s pocket. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Okay, So everyone has had their fair share of people. Right? You see them at the grocery store, and at the bookstore, and especially where there’s coffee, such social and majestic creatures, but I’m pretty sure everyone; Extrovert included, has had some pretty interesting stories about these organic life forms. So are you ready to hear some wacky stories I’ve had with people? If so, buckle up your seat belt because we are going on a wild ride!                                                                 In elementary, people would call me a nerd. Partly because I didn’t have many friends and partly because I got good grades. So naturally word makes its way to the teachers and they start trusting you to go on little missions and whatnot all because you’re a good person compared to all the other eight year old jerks. With that said, I trusted teachers up until the fateful evening of my birthday. I had brought cupcakes to school. I was almost bursting with excitement to have everyone in my class eat my cupcakes, (I had never brought anything edible for my birthday before so I was pretty anxious.) The entire class went outside the playground to sit on the benches and eat. Everyone was having a good time. Even this other teacher and her class were eating the cupcakes ( I was happy to share) The teacher was in her early 50’s as far as I could tell. Lets call her “Mrs. A” , and my young, (kind of clueless) teacher was easily swayed by Mrs. A. Most likely because she was “wiser” and “more experienced”. Back to the story, we were eating, (the two classes) until I have the brilliant idea to do a tradition in my family where we would get some cake on our face for laughs. So, I took my cupcake and smooshed the side of the pastry on my face. Bad idea. Mrs. A got pretty salty. It’s not like they were her cupcakes! So what gives?! Mrs. A told my teacher a suitable punishment for my criminal injustice! We all stop eating and went to the playground. YAY! Looks like I want be getting a consequence for putting some cupcake on my nose on my birthday. WRONG. I had to walk around the play ground in circles watching everyone play for forty minutes. I was crying. So Mrs. A, if you are reading this…. I still remember.

Sincerely,

teacher skeptical pastry hatin’ birthday eight year old

Signing off,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

pt 2 coming soon.

 

“The Hate U Give” by Angie Thomas Review

“The Hate U Give” review and comments.
“The Hate U Give” is a young adult book written by Angie Thomas that tackles topics like police shootings and racial discrimination. It was not a very difficult book. For months I have been avoiding the read, until the fateful day of my book haul. I couldn’t resist! Especially considering Barnes and noble practically putting the book on a pedestal.(In store and with high praise online.) At first I didn’t want to pay any mind to “The hate you give” for one simple reason: I DONT LIKE *most*OVER HYPED BOOKS. Now this might put off or discourage some, but I (with my loving, caring parents money sometimes) have purchased books that were highly talked about and once I read them *most* were disappointing. (In retrospect, I’ve only ever read three or four over hyped books, BUT STILL.)They fell flat like a bad joke while i was still waiting for a punch line…Or a microwaved IHOP pancake.(One day its delicious  warm and crunchy, the next its soggy and damp. Seriously dude, eat that pancake at the restaurant, or do the smart thing: put it in the oven.) The pancake analogy works best if your food driven. But, you get my memo. When I started reading the book I almost trained my brain to pick up the little details that were gonna tick me off about the book to write my review on a digital sticky note
in tiny writing the next week, But when I finished the book I was somewhat surprised.
“The Hate U Give’s” main character is a sixteen year old named Starr Carter. The book starts at a party that Starr’s parents don’t know about, (But really that’s the truth with most high school parties, is it not?) Starr is uncomfortable because this isn’t her type of scene. She bumps into her childhood friend, Khalil, and they start to catch up. The two are barely have a good conversation until gun shots begin. Khalil and Starr flee the party in Khalil’s car, only to be stopped by da popo. (Cue “Cops” music amiright?) Long story short, Khalil finds himself at the end of a barrel and gets killed. The whole story is the aftermath of the shooting. Here’s the thing, this book isn’t one of my favorites Of course it depends on what you like as one of the scarce brothers and sisters of the book clan who have sold their souls(and sometime social life) to books. Many people like this book, but me? Out of 10 I would give it a 6 maybe even a 7 if you dangled a Barnes and noble gift card in front of my face. So, was I disappointed? Was this entire review a waste of time because I am a pro crastanator? Maybe, but what I do know is this, “The more I read, the more I can grasp what so many people lose or forget, my mind.”
I’ll be here all night,
sincerely,
grade A CEO of Pro crastornator inc and executive manager of The book clan,
Signing off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you really thought I was gone there for a second didn’t ya?

“Ready Player One “By Ernest Cline book review.

It has been a while since I have read a book so absorbing and yet so draining at the same time. Why was this book so ‘draining’ and ‘absorbing’ you ask? Maybe it was the tiny words on a grey paper that strained my eyes, Perhaps it was the stream of conscienceness that made my brain hurt? (Though the most possible thing is me staying up till 3:00AM to read it, of course a mystical being like me is not affected by loss of sleep, But my eye-bags beg to differ.) Never the less “Ready Player One” was very interesting. I picked up the smaller, thicker paperback at Barnes and Nobles. I think the reason I chose the book in the first place was because the movie was coming out soon, and I wanted to be as obnoxious as possible pointing out all the the flaws and differences from the book. “Ready Player One” is a science fiction\action and adventure book made by Ernest Cline, and published by Broadway books.The main character, Wade Watts, Is a 18 year old that lives in the 2040’s. He, (like many people) play a outstanding virtual reality made by Jim Halliday, called the OASIS(Ontologically Anthropocentric Sensory Immerse Simulation.) One day Halliday dies and he leaves a big hunt for Three keys, to unlock three gates that will give them power over the OASIS and all his money (Which is billions of dollars)! Now for my thoughts; OMYGOSSH! This book was amazing! My favorite things about it were its suspense and humor, each riddle had me scratching my head for an answer, only to find that I wasn’t a total 1980’s nerd (a nerd? Yes. a 1980’s nerd? No) and came up with nothing. Although I could  go and praise “Ready player one” for this entire post, I will be a jerk and tell you the things that really got on my nerve. First of all, level one and level three were stellar, but I really hated level 2.Wade gets pretty annoying during this part of the book. This is because Wade doesn’t do anything related to the hunt, which feels like your favorite TV show are book series going on hiatus: Super frustrating! Also, Wade focuses all his time on the girl he likes, and in doing so burns bridges with his cool best friend that has always been there for him. (Aech) This whole part of “Ready player one” feels unnecessary and boring. I’m sure Ernest cline could’ve found a shorter, less tedious way to say;  “This kid has been locked in an apartment for five months not doing anything productive, being a total loser(and jerk), getting up to max level in OASIS, getting dumped, and making a master plan to take care of the IOI.” Despite this part having a few crucial things to do with the plot, I severely dislike this part. Save yourself!                    Okay, judgment time! out of ten I would give “Ready player one” 8 stars. My favorite characters were Ogden and Aech .I recommend this book to people 15+ but remember, anyone can be a exception to this age limit, If you are 90 and can read go right ahead! Same thing for a nine year old(prodigy cough-cough).  If you are Interested in “Ready player one” I got a 580 paged one for 10.00 U.S dollars. Now if you don’t mind, I will be watching the movie and yelling out all the differences in a no doubt obnoxious manner.

Sincerely,

Pro book heckler,

Signing off.

 

 

 

 

 

Where it all starts.

Todays been a big day. I a measly introverted, bookworm with a hobby to write occasionally, has just created a blog. This seems so insignificant to some, but its a BIG step for me. Every sentence is like a mushroom bomb going off, that millions of people see from a safe distance away. Except, just my luck, not only am I right next to the explosion, I’m the one who set it off. So I think this is where I start making promises right? Things liked “I will promise to be fair and never review a book that I just watched the movie of.” Or something more wise, like “A true pizza, has toppings.”(I’m on you. You plain cheesers!) But I’m just starting out. I can’t make any half-hauled promises yet. All I can do is hope. Hope people get my references, Hope this blog thrives, Hope my jokes are funny, Hope my viewers don’t despise repetition that has the word ‘Hope’ over and over. But even if everything goes unnoticed and this blog becomes a wasteland, it’s okay, because this is where it all starts.

Sincerely,

amateur pizza wizard,

signing off.